


Tapestry

by Lion_owl



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Study, Crossover, Episode: s06e15 Tapestry, Established Relationship, F/M, Gol - Freeform, Happy Ending, Kirk is bisexual, Kolinahr, M/M, Post-Series, Q works in mysterious ways, Slightly a TNG crossover, Star Trek I: The Motion Picture, if you can call it that, inspired by the TNG episode of the same name, pre films, taken a small number of artistic liberties here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9252215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lion_owl/pseuds/Lion_owl
Summary: What if Q had visited Spock shortly before he left for Gol, and showed him a few alternate timelines which consequently prevented him from ever resigning his commission?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the KS Archive in 2015. I have now been deleted it from there.

The soft hum of steady breathing emanating from the still, sleeping figure of his t'hy'la was always pleasant for Spock to wake to, as was the entanglement of their limbs and the pressing of their foreheads or one's nose in the other's neck.

It had been this since the end of the second year of their five-year mission, since his link to T'Pring had been dissolved and his mind was free to connect with a more compatible, more desirable one. They had wanted this before that, and they had tried, but the telepathic contact had been too overwhelming for Spock to control, and since dissolution of betrothals on Vulcan was firmly forbidden except through Kalifee, he had had no choice but to wait, and hope that T'Pring would opt for that, hope that the battle and the fever didn't kill him.

It hadn't, and after, after he discovered Jim alive, after they left sickbay and after they went to the bridge to check up on things, they had turned command over to Scotty and returned to Jim's quarters: they needed to talk. Jim had never understood exactly why Spock had refused to sleep with him even after admitting he wanted to; he had garnered that it was related to his Vulcan biology, but Spock had been reluctant to disclose the full details. Then, though, it was all out in the open, and if Kirk was still willing, he wanted to be his.

_When they got to the door of Jim's quarters, Spock almost rounded the corner and just went to his own instead, considered avoiding the subject. But that wasn't an option, they needed to discuss what had happened on Vulcan, and they still had three hours and forty-two minutes before they would arrive in the Altair system, and the sooner the better, really._

_"Come on in, Spock," Jim said with a warm smile as his door slid open to admit them. Spock followed wordlessly._

_"Jim, I'm... I'm sorry," Spock could hear how quiet his words were, and surprised himself and the emotion in them._

_"What you did, I know you wouldn't have done without good reason."_

_"Thank you, and I did." Spock briefly explained how the system worked, and Jim stared at him._

_"I thought Vulcans were supposed to be more morally advanced than Humans?" Jim remarked. "On Earth, forced arranged marriages were, aside from in exceptional circumstances, outlawed decades ago."_

_"It is true that the system is highly flawed, but Humans have the advantage of being able to abstain from sexual activities for an unlimited period of time without risk of physical harm."_

_Jim laughed then. "Physical harm is a bit of an understatement. Disastrous and in fact fatal consequences would be more fitting."_

_"Regardless, Humans have no benefits from having a partner selected for you as a child, Vulcans on the other hand..." he trailed off. "I'm just glad it's over, and that I'm rid of her. Don't get me wrong, she's a fine woman, but I couldn't have married her, and she couldn't have married me. She was just as trapped as I was."_

_"Which brings us to our next order of business." Jim tentatively reached out and touched Spock's arm. "Now that you're now separated from T'Pring, can we... can things be different between us now?"_

_Spock opened his mouth to speak but found his throat constricted. Instead, he moved closer and put his hands on Jim's shoulders, and nodded slowly. He found his breath hitch in his chest._

_"I would like that," he managed to get out, looking deep into Jim's eyes as he felt warm hands come up to his neck and pull him closer._

_That first kiss was awkward, their lack of experience with each other was clear. Lips met, opened and teeth crashed painfully, they jerked back slightly, Jim rubbing his jaw. But now an immense physical desire had built and they couldn't not try again, this time they had more success. Lips met, opened and closed and pulled on each other gently, tongues met, intertwined, and teeth remained firmly at a safe distance. Eyes closed automatically and Spock felt himself being pushed onto the bed so he was lying on his back, and Jim straddled him, without breaking apart._

_Such close contact meant that their minds, too, rushed towards each other and Spock felt dazed, just a little, dazed and as though he were floating in Jim's very essence._

_It was surreal._

Now, three years later, there were no secrets, no barriers between them; they knew every aspect of each other, and exactly what the other liked physically.

Removing himself from their embrace, he got up and went to the replicator to make himself a cup of tea, idly reflecting on thoughts which he had been ruminating recently: it had all suddenly become too much, too intense; their sweet romance was overwhelming and was now affecting Spock's ability to focus when he was on-duty, especially when Jim was there, so he had started to avoid Jim when they were working, which led to an air of tension when they had no other option. An air of tension which somehow never followed them into their private life and into their bedroom, but which loomed over them nonetheless.

As a result, Spock had been considering Kolinahr.

It pained him to think of leaving Jim, of returning to sleeping alone, of returning to Vulcan which, though it was his home planet, was not his home. But he did not know if remaining here was an option either.

Finishing his drink, he left the mug on the desk and returned to the sleeping area, where Jim was just stirring.

"Morning, beautiful," the Human mumbled into his pillow and rolled over. "Spock, come back to bed."

Slowly, he perched on the side of the bed, maintaining a cool distance which turned the pure affection in Jim's eyes to turn to mild concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and the Vulcan wondered if now was the right time to inform his lover of his plans.

But when he opened his mouth to speak, he could never have predicted what happened next: the room dissolved around him, and he was standing in, well-- nothing. He could feel something solid and tangible beneath his feet, but in every direction all he could see was... whiteness. Somewhat reminiscent of old depictions of Humans' concept of the path towards 'Heaven', from long before religion became obsolete on Earth.

This was not logical; he couldn’t possibly be dead.

Then, a figure in a long white robe, with the appearance of a Human male in his mid-forties, emerged in front of him.

"Welcome," the being said.

"Hello," Spock responded cautiously. "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Straight to the point, just like Picard. Typical." The being laughed. "Call me Q, Spock."

Puzzled, Spock raised an eyebrow. "How do you know my name?"

Q sighed. "Your species is too rudimentary to understand me. A better question would be why I brought you here. You're about to make a huge mistake, and I took it upon myself to save you from a terrible fate, you're welcome."

Before Spock could say any more, Q was gone and he found himself standing on a large stretch of sand on a rocky mountain, which he recognised as his place of solitude where he used to go to as a child. It was dark, and the air was relatively cool. His old pet Sehlat sat before him, watching him.

"I-Chaya!" He called out, and she bounded over to him, almost knocking him over with her strength. Evidently she was pleased to see him. He had forgotten that she did that. "I-Chaya," he repeated, kneeling down to put his arms around her, and she nuzzled into his neck.

"What are we doing here?" he asked her, then mentally berated himself for asking such illogical questions. She couldn't respond to him.

What did this mysterious Q hope to achieve by bringing him here? What terrible mistake was it that he allegedly was about to make? Was Q referring to his plans to travel to Gol? How could he possibly know about that?

Aloud, in the hope Q would hear him, he repeated these questions.

"You see," started a voice from behind him. "Your species views time as linear, views life and death as static, just like Humans do. My species has evolved beyond this primitive mindset, evolved into transcendentality."

"You expect me to believe this?"

"You're here, aren't you?"

"This could all be an elaborate illusion."

"Vulcans are telepathic, can you not sense this is the real version of your Sehlat, the one whom you view as deceased?"

Spock couldn't argue with that. "What do you want?"

"I want to show you something, something that might stop you from leaving your beloved Human."

"So you bring me back to my childhood home? I did not even know Jim then."

"Just bear with me, Spock. You had better return to the house."

"If you insist, since I see no more preferable alternative at present."

It had been many years since Spock had walked these familiar paths, and there was a pleasantness to doing so again after all this time. He had no idea what he expected to find at his parents' house, what would happen; but this Q was quite insistent and Spock wasn't too fond of the idea of sleeping outside tonight.

"Spock! Oh, Spock, we've been worried sick about you!" When he approached his family's personal land, his mother emerged from the shadows and ran to him, throwing her arms around him. His time with Jim had allowed him to learn to become more comfortable with this gesture, and he awkwardly reciprocated. "Where have you been?" She enquired quietly, but sternly. "You were gone days."

"Mother, I..." he trailed off, realising that Amanda must be unaware that this version of her son is one who somehow ended up here from the future, perhaps in this moment he had not yet informed his parents of his intentions to join Starfleet. He didn't even know what year this was.

For the first time in his life, he did not know what to say to this kind, caring, aging but still beautiful woman, standing before him looking hopeless, and it was a truly disquieting feeling.

Amanda straightened up. "You'd better get to bed, you have a meeting in the morning to discuss your enrolment in the V.S.A., you want to be looking your best."

 _Tomorrow?_ Spock thought with horror. He was supposed to have announced his plans nine days before that meeting. It ended up getting cancelled five days before it was arranged to occur. What had changed?

"Q, this is already becoming tiresome." He whispered, hoping the strange being would hear him.

"Sorry?" Amanda asked. "I didn't hear."

"Oh nothing," Spock assured her. "Nothing."

"If you say so." She smiled brightly at him and they parted ways as they reached the doorway, Amanda going to her study and Spock to his childhood bedroom. He remembered a year or so ago, he had brought Jim here on their shore leave, and slept together in that very bed. He missed Jim now, and as he got in bed he automatically leaned over to kiss his t'hy'la goodnight, only to be met with a pillow and intense disappointment.

What would his beloved be thinking now? He would no doubt have conducted a full search, what would he have found? Or would he be aware at all? Perhaps if Q was telling the truth about his species' perspective on time, Spock would be returned to the effect that Jim would never notice he was gone. Or perhaps it was a dream; Vulcans rarely dreamed, but it happened occasionally, and it would correlate with the strange symptoms he had been having lately.

There were too many questions forming in his head and not enough answers being provided.

"Q, come back and explain all this to me," he demanded quietly. And wherever he expected the other to materialise, it certainly wasn't in his bed with him, dressed in his light blue uniform shirt.

"With what can I assist you, my dear sir?" Q asked.

"Tell me what is going on."

"You are in the time where you would be seventeen point two years of age if you were from Earth, and that's how the people here see you. Tomorrow you enrol in the Vulcan Science Academy like a good boy, no questions asked. In several years, when the time comes, you marry T'Pring and everyone lives, in the words of archaic Human fairy-tales, 'happily ever after. The End.' "

"But... what about Starfleet? And Jim?" he asked, confused.

"What of them, indeed. You don't enrol in Starfleet, you never fall in love with Jim."

"That isn't how it happened."

"Correction: that isn't how it happened in the reality you're used to. This one is slightly different."

"And how is all this supposed to persuade me not to Gol? If I never meet Jim, I will never have a reason to attempt to fulfil Kolinahr. I've said too much."

"You haven't said anything I didn't already know, and that answer will have to wait, I'm afraid. One other thing: you break your precious Jim's heart when you go to Gol -- do you really want that?"

"But if I haven't gone yet-"

"Primitive," Q interrupted. "Do you want to break Captain Kirk's heart, or not?"

"No," Spock responded, "Of course not."

And then Q was gone again, and Spock idly wondered on all of this, up to and including who this 'Picard', whose name Q had mentioned earlier, was.

****

It had been a fortnight now, and Spock had obediently lived out this alternate version of his life and acted accordingly. After all, he had no idea how to get back to his real life, and he couldn't reveal the truth to anyone here, so what else could he do but play along?

He and some other Vulcans he'd been working with at the Science Academy had been invited to accompany a group of ambassadors to Earth to attend a conference at Starfleet Academy. He hadn't wanted to, knowing that it was where he was meant to be at this point in his life, but he didn't wish to be impolite so he had agreed anyway.

On the first day after their arrival they had been given a tour of the main campus before being taken to their rooms, and nothing else had been required of them, so Spock had remained there, alone, completing some calculations he had neglected just before he left his home on Vulcan.

He missed Jim bitterly, and he really hated sleeping alone again after so long.

Maybe Q had been right after all.

But that still didn't alter the fact that something in him had changed recently. Nor did it explain why he had to relive his youth, since this Q could clearly transcend space as well as time, surely he could easily have separated Jim and Spock without displacing him into the past. Perhaps something specific was going to happen here, after all, this was where Jim would be just now, having got into the Academy at fifteen instead of sixteen.

Suddenly he wondered if he had been correct in his assumption that Jim had remained on the Enterprise. Where was his lover now? If he met Cadet Kirk, would it actually be Captain Kirk? He would know as soon as he saw him: he had seen a picture of Jim in his academy days, and he definitely looked different than he did now.

Only time, as they say, would tell.

Abandoning his work for the night, he placed the P.A.D.D. on his bedside table and crawled under the covers, exhausted. But sleep was slow to take him.

The next day, there was a compulsory formal afternoon meal arranged, followed by an optional, less formal 'party'. He had planned not to attend the second event, but a girl he had become friendly with at the V.S.A., T'Pella, had requested that he come and keep her company so he had agreed despite his reservations; reservations which became stronger when he saw Jim sitting with the other second year cadets at the meal. He was the younger version of himself, the one who didn't know Spock, and Jim never gave up on a good excuse to party. He would definitely be there later that evening.

Half an hour into the party, there was still no sign of Jim, and Spock was beginning to get concerned.

Not that, in this time period, it was actually any of his business.

Nevertheless...

It was a further ten minutes before he showed up, and was greeted by a girl from the group of people he had been with at the meal, who ran to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him eagerly, to which he responded in kind, lifting her and spinning her around once.

Spock immediately looked away. It felt as though someone had stabbed him in the heart.

 _It doesn't matter,_ he told himself. Jim dated lots of people before they met, he knew that.

But when he looked back he was faced with yet more disappointment: Jim and the girl were standing close, foreheads pressed together, and he was talking to her. Spock didn't know what he was saying, but there was a small box in his hands that gave it away all too clearly. James Kirk, settling down at sixteen? Something was wrong here.

She looked down at the box which was now open, and her shriek could be heard throughout the entire room, and everyone turned to see her jump up and down excitedly as he slid the ring on her finger. This was followed by a chorus of cheers and whistles around the room.

Spock tore his gaze away and walked as quickly as he could, without being conspicuous, out through the doors and into the deserted corridor, where he leaned against the wall, trying to control his ragged breath and the emotions welling up within him.

"Are you happy now, Q?" He muttered to himself. "Are you satisfied that your game is going well?"

"Spock? Who are you talking to?" A voice asked behind him, and he turned to see T'Pella standing close by, watching his face with an intent expression. "Why did you leave suddenly?"

"I am fine," Spock responded before realising what he was saying. "Nothing has happened."

"It was those young Humans who got engaged, wasn't it?" She asked, apparently unfazed by the emotional nature of his outburst. Strange. "You find one of them attractive."

He spun round, startled by her perceptiveness.

"I will not tell anyone," she promised. "But you do know that he or she will not be yours, ever. The Human marriage custom contains a vow which says, 'until death us do part'."

Ha! Spock thought sullenly. That man is already married, to me.

"I know," he told her. "I didn't expect that, I don't even know him anyway, I would not attempt to start anything even if he were available. It wouldn't be logical."

"Good," she said, "we should go back in, then."

"Indeed."

The previously quiet, calm music hand been replaced with a loud, energetic track with a sound which could only be described as gritty, and many people had begun to dance, presumably now imbibed enough to become less aware of their inhibitions.

A man dressed in a smart suit entered then, who looked suspiciously like Q, he walked over to Jim, and they shook hands and spoke briefly before the two of them, and Jim's new fiancee, turned and headed towards Spock.

"Hello again, Spock," the man said, and he sounded exactly like Q too. Spock merely nodded. "I'd like you to meet two of my students, Cadets James Kirk and Laurette Derosiers."

They both smiled politely at him and held up their hands in perfect ta'al formation. His attention couldn't help but be drawn to the ring around her finger.

"And this," Q turned to Jim and Laurette, "Is Spock, of the Vulcan Science Academy."

He returned the gesture of greeting and nodded in their direction.

"You have a lot in common, I think you'll enjoy each other's company." Q told them.

Jim gave an uncertain look. "Thanks, Professor, but we'd best be getting back to our dorms, we both have a long day tomorrow."

"Certainly, well, goodnight then," Q smiled at them, and they turned and left, hand in hand, without a backwards glance.

It ripped through Spock like a knife. This James Kirk wasn't anything like the one he knew; worst of all, this James Kirk had no time for him whatsoever.

"What are you playing at?" Spock snapped, turning on Q. "Was that really necessary?"

"Oh yes, mon ami, and I'm not done yet." Q gave him a sly look, and a moment later Spock was no longer attending a party at Starfleet Academy nineteen years before the time he knew; he now stood on the Plateau of Gol, on Vulcan, before a group of healers.

"It is regretful that you did not succeed," a voice from behind him said. It was the distinctive voice of his father, and he turned around to face Sarek. "You should go now, return to your ship and your captain."

"But, father," Spock began, completely unsure of himself. "I... I do not know. It is not logical. Nothing makes sense."

"You're talking to another Vulcan who, like you, is married to a Human. Follow your heart, son, it may not be entirely logical, but love rarely is. And your mother and I want you to be happy. I have not always made it clear, but I do not expect you to follow your Vulcan heritage one-hundred percent. You were raised on Vulcan, therefore you were raised to follow the customs of my people rather than your mother's, however I would not have had a child with a Human woman if I had expected them to behave purely as a Vulcan; that would not be logical."

Amanda then showed up at her Husband's side.

"Embrace the Human in you, Spock," she pleaded. "Return to the one you love."

He thanked his parents and bade them goodbye, then slowly walked away, ruminating.

While he appreciated Sarek's sentiment, he did not understand where it had come from: a rejection of his Human side wasn't the reason he had planned to come here.

Or was it?

Perhaps that was it, after all. Perhaps he hadn't realised it, but he had become so repulsed by the Human side of him and it had caused him to notice his attraction to Jim much more strongly and obviously as his subconscious' attempt to drive him away.

At any rate, the things his parents had said to him felt like good advice. He would return to the Enterprise.

That is, if he could. This whole thing might still be part of Q's charade.

He would head to the city, and procure transport back to wherever the Enterprise was.

****

When he managed to get in touch with Starfleet Headquarters, he was informed that the Enterprise, under the command of Admiral Kirk, (admiral? it seemed that much had changed since he left) had been taken out of space dock early to investigate a strange interference which had been destroying spacecraft and was en route to Earth. He would be sent a copy of their flight plan so he could intercept them.

He thanked the official he had spoken to and closed off the screen.

When he finally boarded his old ship, he discovered something that was not quite to his expectation and certainly not to his liking: Jim had married in his absence. Lori Ciani, her name was, according to Doctor McCoy. She had almost died when beaming aboard, but Lieutenant Rand's quick skill with the transporter control panel had saved her and a young Vulcan science officer who was with her at the time.

He also got an angry tirade from the doctor about his leaving and breaking Jim's heart, and Spock felt he deserved every word. He'd been a total fool.

Jim had, except on a professional level, refused to speak to him.

For the third time since this whole escapade began, his side felt like it was being slashed ruthlessly with a blade. And this time it was purely his fault.

What had he done?

For the first time, he actually hope that this was part of Q's game, and when he returned to personal quarters after he and Mr Scott had finished effecting repairs on the ship, he hopelessly called out to Q, begging him to return things to the way they were before.

The quarters before him disappeared, and he was back where it all began: back in that pure whiteness, and Q's attire had returned to the long white robe he had worn when they first met.

"Do you see, now?" Q asked, a small, triumphant grin on his face.

"I object to your amusement in this matter," Spock deadpanned with a glare.

"You should be thanking me, Commander, not scolding me. I may have just saved your life."

"My love life," he corrected solemnly. "It would not have been logical to take my life when I still had important work to do. I would have learned to live without Jim just as he learned to live without me."

"Bullshit," Q snorted. "Sorry, that's a word Humans often use instead of 'nonsense', rather amusing creatures, wouldn't you say."

Spock ignored him.

"You and Jim," he continued. "In that timeline you sort things out eventually, he breaks things off with her and remarries you -- but is it really worth all the pain and heartbreak? Since now you know you're destined to fail your ritual anyway."

"How do I know this isn't all an illusion? You still haven't proved yourself to be trustworthy."

"You know, in your heart, it's true."

"Not logical."

"I will send you back to him now. You will return to the exact millisecond you left, you will even have the same expression on your face, and he won't have the slightest inkling of a clue about any of this. You're welcome, Spock, goodbye."

And as Q had promised, a moment later he was back on the pre-refit Enterprise, still on her five-year mission, he was back in the cabin he shared with Jim, perched on the side of their bed.

"Are you okay?" Jim repeated. No, he asked. It had been, for Spock, weeks since he had first heard the question and it took a moment for the context to return to him. Oh, yes. He was considering announcing his plans to leave.

That was not going to happen now. Whatever truth there may or may not have been in Q’s game, he’d had quite enough of that awful feeling. He would work to accept his relationship fully instead of running away from it.

"Yes," he shook his head. "Sorry, yes," he stuttered a little. "I was just thinking of something. It doesn't matter."

"Are you sure?" Jim asked, the affection that was aimed only at Spock returned to his gorgeous features.

"Yes, I am fine." Spock gave him the tiniest smile. "I just had a weird... dream."

"Then come back to bed," Jim grinned, and Spock was only to happy to oblige, allowing his lover to take him by the hands and pull him in.

"I don't think I could sleep any more," he stated.

"Perfect," Jim whispered – capturing Spock's lips with his own, and Spock involuntarily made a muffled _oomph_ sound.

They kissed gently – on the lips, the Human way, for a good five minutes, before parting, and Spock latched onto Jim’s hand, caressing his fingers, ‘kissing’ in the Vulcan manner.

Their eyes met, and for the first time, he realised, he truly understood the importance of this simple feeling.


End file.
